In the Book of Romans, the Apostle Paul tells the church at Rome that we mere mortals don't know how to pray as we ought, but the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. I infer from this that as Christians, if we don't know how to pray for something, then we ask the Holy Spirit to intercede for us. For over a month now, I have been asking the Holy Spirit to intercede on my behalf and that of another person. After several weeks, I had a sort of epiphany about what to pray for. I began to see that I was not fighting against flesh, but against powers and prinicipalities. This is also a metaphor from Scripture. I take it to mean I am up against supernatural powers that are not of God. This is very hard work. It is exhausting, and has cost me a good amount of sleep. During weak moments, I wonder if this endeavor is worth it, or if I am accomplishing anything (Actually, it is God who is doing the work, but I wonder how much longer this can go on. Would God direct me to do this if it isn't doing any good?).
So let's examine just what God and I are trying to do: there is a kind, compassionate person who needs Jesus. There is cynicism against organized religion, but respect for the work and person of Jesus. My friend has a tremendous "God-shaped void" inside him (as we all do). My prayer has been that he would become conscious of this void, and realize the things he does to try to fill it bring as much emptiness as as the empty void itself. The void in our souls that is shaped like God is kind of like a sieve. Everything but the Almighty Himself filters out like sand, and leaves us even more empty. I pray that God will make him so miserable and sleep-deprived that he has to throw up the white flag of surrender. I guess some of this is getting visited back on me. Maybe that's why I stay sick at stomach, can't sleep, etc. myself.
I also have to deal making sure that my motives are pure. See, my friend has evoked some tender feelings that have really muddled things up. I have fallen for him. So I am very tempted to pray, "please God, make him mine!" I have been waiting for God to send me my soul mate for a very long time. Recently, I began to pray very specifically for him to be brought into my life. I try to pray for this separately from my intercessions for my friend. And I am of two minds about this whole thing: I tell God that I want His perfect will to be accomplished in both of our lives, whether together or seperately. But I still want what I want. I want US. And a very large part of me will take this man on whatever terms I could get him, if on ANY terms (I am aware that this sort of thing has to be mutual, and don't know if it is.) Is he ready to be with just one woman? Will he ever want to with me? Can I be happy being "just friends"? I guess I have to be content with that right now. So I guess my prayer is that God would deepen our friendship. And that my friend will come to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus, whether I am in his life or not. But here's praying that I will be! Yours, Fannie Ryan